Don’t be ashamed if you’re confused about sex, because no one in the world has a clue what it is. Here are the most common questions people have asked Google about sexual intercourse.
“What ju
There are far more answers to this question than you think.
“Clitoris user manual.”
Readily available for download after you register your sexual organs with the manufacturer.
“Do girls like it when I turn to a search engine for guidance instead of asking them directly about their turn-ons?”
They sure do, almost as much as they like these expensive sex pills.
“How to reproduce asexually?”
Clone your rhizomes, you single-celled idiot.
“How long do lima beans need to soak before cooking?”
While it might not look like it to most readers, for certain subcultures this is, unfortunately, a sex question.
“Did we finish yet?”
Googling sex questions during sex is actually a great way to make the experience even more fulfilling and romantic.
“How to get STD fast?”
While STD prevention info is plentiful and well-known, people who voluntarily seek infection often have to consult the internet to get answers.
“Do I need insurance to have intercourse?”
It’s important to be adequately covered in case of fire, injury, or death.
“
Most people only use Google as a way to figure out how to reach the more popular and successful search engine Bing, where they know they will find much better answers to their sex questions.
“Is too much sex bad?”
Nobody believes you.
“How to make sex faster?”
Most people just want to get it over with.
“Age of consent Arizona.”
Particularly popular search among sitting U.S. congressmen.
“Mating dance + bird of paradise.”
Female birds of paradise can always tell when males steal feather choreography straight from porn.
“Should sex last longer than seven hours?”
You can only hold out seven hours? How humiliating for you.
“Can you be too good at sex?”
In principle, yes but you shouldn’t worry about it.
“Partner emit ink everywhere normal?”
Top search for everyone learning to have sex with an octopus for the first time.
“How to make boyfriend stop G
So long as Google keeps giving him bad answers, impossible.
“Nearest baby drop-
Just because it’s Googled nine months later doesn’t mean it’s not a sex question.
