If you die at a music festival, you die in real life. Here are the most dangerous things concert-goers should watch out for this year.
Endless Crowd Surfing
Getting hoisted overhead by concertgoers seems fun at first, but not after weeks go by and they refuse to put you down.
Dehydration
It’s dangerous, though understandable, to die rather than pay $15 for a water bottle.
Being Overcharged for Drugs
Failing to do some market research before your trip can cost you in the long run.
Heart-To-Heart Conversations At 3 A.M.
At a festival, it may take first responders precious minutes to get to you before you completely open up to a stranger.
Going Back To Working In Finance Afterwards
For 48 brief hours, you did not think about Microsoft Excel at all.
Realizing How Old You Are
You don’t know these bands. You’re sleepy, and your feet hurt. This is the beginning of the end.
Coming Down From The Drugs
When you start to notice how pathetic everyone actually looks, it will ruin everything.
Being Murdered For VIP Wristband
They’ll live it up in the platinum-level air-conditioned lounge and stuff your body in a Porta-Potty.
Someone Recording You Being Racist
It doesn’t matter if it’s a lyric in the song, you can kiss that career in marketing goodbye.
Standing
Your body isn’t built to handle a weekend like this anymore.
Getting Strangled By Harry Belafonte
Trust us. He’s stronger than he looks.
Wolves
Dance as wildly as possible so they go for the weaker attendees.
Being Hunted For Sport By Celebrities
Everyone glosses over this part of the Terms & Agreements for Coachella.
The Bonebreaker
This legendarily fearsome barbarian warlord is unstoppable in combat, and he loves the communal energy of live music.
Dance Floor Is A Hot Fajita Plate
While it may smell good, the honest truth is you’re being roasted alive in a delicious blend of Mexican herbs and spices.
Laced Pyrotechnics
Many times pyrotechnics that are accidentally shot into packed crowds are laced with drugs like cocaine, methamphetamines, and even fentanyl.
Boredom
It’s unfortunate, but the truth is that most music festivals are so boring that the majority of attendees blow their own brains out.
Some Guy Starting Shit With You
Hey, what the fuck, dude?
