Sometimes, it’s not so bad to work for the shitposter-in-chief. Here are the coolest things employees get who work for Elon Musk.
Free Impregnation
As part of their generous benefits package, any male employee at Twitter, Tesla, or SpaceX can request to have Elon inseminate their girlfriend or spouse.
Unlimited Paid Time On
Musk’s employees consistently attribute high company morale to their boss encouraging a healthy work-work balance.
To Stay In The U.
But, as always, Musk can decide when to send them back whenever he pleases.
Dry Spaghetti
Munch on the unlimited dry spaghetti bar as much as your little heart desires!
Complimentary Leg Shackles
Less generous CEOs would deduct the chains shackling you to your desk from your paycheck.
A Glimpse into a Terrifying Future
Some call it a blessing. Others, a curse. Officially, it’s part of the compensation package.
A Little Massage
Delivered by the bossman himself.
All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp
Those 24 hour working days don’t seem so bad when you’re peeling and eating shrimp by the bucketload.
Gin Blossoms Compilation CD
He’s just giving them away. Score!
A Desk
And some come with a chair!
A Nice Boy
He cleans up well and minds his manners. Mr. Musk says he won’t be a bother none, and you’ll come to love his irresistible charm.
Neuralink Chip
You don’t have a choice with this one. It’s going in your fucking brain.
Big Bed For Everyone To Sleep In
Catch your five minutes of company-approved some shut eye on the 200-person mattress in company headquarters.
Multiple Opportunities To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreements
Signing one NDA is great, sure, but have you ever gotten to experience the thrill of signing two?
Generating Wealth For Elon Musk
What could be a more worthy endeavor?
The Option To Get Paid In Musk Money
Collect enough Musk Money, and you can buy your choice of Musk dolls sold only at Musk World.
Wi-Fi Password
Musk generously provides employees with the broadband information necessary to complete their menial tasks.
Competitive Pay, Matching 401k, And Full Healthcare Including Dental And Vision Insurance
Just kidding.
