Morbid Visit Home Begins With Grandfather Only Able To Complete Single Flying Crane Backflip Kick To Ward Off Intruders

HONG KONG—Watching with growing discomfort as the 75-year-old groaned and winced in pain, college student Gordon Cheng expressed concern Wednesday during a visit home upon realizing that his grandfather was able to land only a single flying crane backflip kick while fighting off a group of intruders. “It’s sad that all these creaks and wheezes are coming from a man I’m used to seeing execute a perfect wall run, jab two assailants precisely in the groin, and cleanly decapitate a third with a rising crescent kick,” said Cheng, who claimed his heart sank while watching the elder Cheng, a master who once fought off entire clans without breaking a sweat, pause to carefully grip a staircase railing for support before kicking a goon through a wall. “It’s not just his strength; he’s losing a lot of dexterity, too, as you can see by the way he struggled to grasp that last man’s head before snapping his neck. We’re definitely going to need to keep an eye on him—no one wants to get that call telling us he slipped and fell off a roof during a midnight showdown somewhere. Logically, I know that the only reason he brought my twin sister and I back to the Divine Fortress was to eventually take over his legacy, but man, I didn’t think it would be so soon.” Cheng has made the difficult decision to look into at-home nursing services upon discovering that his grandfather was unable to remember where he had stored his emergency stash of plum blossom sticks.