Mike McCarthy

STRENGTHS: Never-ending source of thrilling sound bites such as “We’ll address that after the Super Bowl,” “That’s a nonissue for us,” and “We’re just here to play football”; known for wild offensive trickery such as the “fake handoff” and “wide-receiver screen pass”; carefully scripts touchdowns for first 15 plays

WEAKNESSES: Relies on an entirely different guy to do most his defense; becoming the next Norv Turner is still perfectly within his reach; calls several dozens plays a game and can’t once call his mother?

COACHING PHILOSOPHY: Balances offense with mix of brilliant plays and boneheaded calls

CONTROVERSY: Got pretty fired up during the Favre controversy with a now infamous outburst of “Dang it all!” during a press conference

ENJOYS: Hiding face behind laminated play sheet and then popping up and yelling “peekaboo” to entertain younger Packers

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Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper