INDIANAPOLIS—Rolling his eyes at what barely constituted a congested highway, out-of-state driver Habib Khan told reporters Monday that Indianapolis’ so-called rush hour traffic was absolutely pathetic. “So this is what everyone was warning me about? It’s 8:30 a.m. on a Monday, and there’s maybe, like, three cars at that stoplight,” said Khan, who did not even dip below the speed limit once as he cruised effortlessly straight along the interstate, remarking that this was apparently as crazy as the traffic in the city was ever going to get. “I haven’t heard a single honk either. Jesus, how do people even live like this? They probably arrive an hour early everywhere they go.” At press time, reports confirmed a distracted Khan had accidentally swerved off the side of the road and landed his vehicle upside-down in a ditch.
Mid-Sized City’s So-Called Rush Hour Absolutely Pathetic
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