Michael Moore Questions Asian Carp On Role In Destroying Ecosystems In First Nature Documentary

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Brandishing a microphone while pursuing the invasive fish along a babbling brook, filmmaker Michael Moore reportedly questioned an Asian carp on its role in destroying local ecosystems for an as-yet untitled nature documentary, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Sir? Sir, why are you evading the question—you have been destroying local aquatic communities for decade and you have nothing to say for yourself?” said the 66-year-old documentarian, gesturing at his cameraman to keep filming as he waded chest-deep into the water while brandishing a photograph of a family of yellow perch that died after being out-resourced by the predatory freshwater fish. “We have been waiting in this forest for hours to hear even a single word of regret from you. But so far, there’s been nothing. So I ask: What do you say to those accusing you of devastating plankton supplies in this region? What do you say to all the local ducks who have been uprooted? Wait, he’s trying to escape into that muskgrass—Follow me! Follow me!” At press time, Moore had screamed that he was being attacked after the Asian carp spit water into his face while he asked a question about the fish’s reputation for destroying pondweed.