Melania Trump Figures It’s Time To Sit Barron Down And Tell Him He Was Bred For His Organs

WASHINGTON—Reflecting that the moment had finally come for the difficult conversation, Melania Trump reportedly took some time Thursday to sit Barron down and tell him he was bred for his organs. “Listen, Barron, now that you’re 14, you’re old enough for me to tell you the truth, which is that you’re essentially a walking organ bank,” said the first lady, assuring her son that this revelation didn’t change the way she and her husband felt about him, and that it was simply a detail about his life that could inform as little or as much of Barron’s identity as he decided. “You’re a wonderful young man, and your daddy and I don’t love you any less just because if we ever have organ failure, we’re going to harvest you for your liver or, say, one of your kidneys. I know it’s a lot to take in, so I understand if you’re feeling confused right now, or maybe even angry, but I want you to know that I’m still your mother and I’m still here for you whenever you need me, from now until you go under the knife.” Melania Trump reportedly closed the conversation by telling Barron that if he wanted to, someday he could meet the people who bought his excess organs.