Media Suffering Through Record Normal Temperatures

KNOXVILLE, TN–Across the U.S., the news media are coping with another week of cripplingly typical temperatures. “It’s awful,” said Jim Moore, editor of The Knoxville News-Sentinel. “We’d love to run a good lead like ’Dozens Dead In Brutal Heat Wave,’ but the temperatures have left us with nothing.” Tom Pierre, news director of Fox affiliate KABB-TV in San Antonio, was equally distraught. “Yesterday, it was a pleasant 73 degrees,” Pierre said. “How is a 92-year-old widow supposed to tragically perish in an unventilated tenement apartment with weather like that?”