Last month, the Cambridge, MA company Knome began mapping the complete DNA sequence for heavy metal singer and former reality star Ozzy Osbourne. Here are some of the discoveries made so far:
His DNA contains vast sequences of mumbly code that are almost completely indecipherable
Subliminal genes that must be unraveled backwards
Brain unique in that it possesses not just opiate receptors, but powerful transmitters as well
Gene responsible for making Jack Daniel’s unappealing in any amount less than a fifth
Shares a close genetic link with no other living creature
Enough musical ability to get very lucky
Increased probability of creating, developing, and headlining Ozzfest
Sharon Marker: Predisposed to shuffle about shouting “Sharon!” The fact that subject is married to a person of this name is a statistically improbable coincidence
