Manifesto Sounds Stupid Out Loud

TWIN FALLS, ID—Feeling embarrassed by his own incoherent writing, local man Nathaniel Murphy told reporters Thursday his manifesto sounded stupid when read out loud. “It wasn’t until I printed it out and read it slowly and clearly out loud that I realized connecting women’s refusal to have sex with me to TV ads and the feminization of American men doesn’t make any sense,” said Murphy, who noted that he “certainly had his work cut out for him” as far as revisions went. “For one thing, it’s way too long, just run-on after run-on sentence for 80 pages. I could hardly find a good spot to breathe! That should’ve been my first clue I needed to clean things up. Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely some good stuff in there concerning human evolution and Captain Marvel, but oh boy. I’ll say it myself: There are too many racial slurs in here.” At press time, Murphy had reportedly cut his manifesto down to the word “kill” written 500 times in a row.