Man Tries To Regain Sense Of Control In Chaotic Universe By Learning To Juggle

BUFFALO, NY—Hoping to hold onto some semblance of purpose in an unfeeling void, local man Craig Ulrich reportedly tried to regain his sense of control in a chaotic universe Monday by learning to juggle. According to sources, in a desperate attempt to combat the inherent entropy and confusion that governs the cosmos, and grasp any shred of his agency that might remain, the 33-year-old started tossing two tennis balls up and down in the air and catching them in the same hand to get a feel for the activity. Several reports confirmed that through the use of YouTube tutorials, Ulrich eventually worked his way up to three tennis balls as part of his frantic bid to impose some sort of order in a world that tended only toward anarchy, decay, and doom. At press time, after realizing he was powerless to get four balls in the air at once, a crestfallen Craig Ulrich was seen listlessly returning to his old hobby of riding over Niagara Falls in a barrel.