Man In 2055 Accidentally Uploads Virtual Penis Directly Into Colleagues’ Brains

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Derailing a digital company meeting in the year 2055, colleagues of future man Pete Dorner confirmed Wednesday that the respected architect had accidentally uploaded his virtual penis directly into their brains in the middle of a work call. “Oh God, oh no—please disregard my last intracranial memo, everyone, there’s been a terrible mistake,” read a follow-up data blip projected into the corneas of Dorner’s 28 workmates as he futilely tried to exit out of the holographic user interface, rushing to rinse off the protoplasmic gel that had created a perfect replica of his penis and implanted it into the minds of his coworkers. “Oh God, how do I delete this—no, no, no, I’ve made it bigger. Please, if you are able, turn your consciousnesses away for a moment while I sort this out. I am so, so sorry to anyone I have offended with my electronic genitals. It’s certainly no excuse, but, in my defense, I thought I was alone in my cybernetic compu-orb, and, well, clearly there is a learning curve for a man of my age with this new-fangled neurospace technology. But I understand that a graphic high-resolution rendering of my privates does not belong in a workspace neural meld, accident or not.” At press time, the company HR department had reportedly decided to permanently delete the memories of Dorner’s team rather than suspend him.