,

Man Dies In First Known Fatal Case Of ‘Alaskapox’

Alaskapox, a virus discovered in 2015 that is mostly endemic among Alaskan small mammal populations, recently claimed its first human victim despite the fact that experts say the illness is often mild and infections remain rare. What do you think?

Giselle Guevara, Hamster Breeder

“This is what happens when we let the other mammals live.”

Giselle Guevara, Hamster Breeder

Tristan Freeman, Fantasy Historian

“Now it’s only a matter of time until it comes to America.”

Tristan Freeman, Fantasy Historian

Laurence Sharp, unemployed

“Thank God I’m not a mammal.”

Laurence Sharp, unemployed




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper