Man Assured Friend’s Tap Water Always Looks Like That

CHICAGO—Responding to the apprehensive look on his guest’s face, local man Nathan Wagner reportedly assured a visiting friend Tuesday that his tap water always looks like that. “Oh, don’t worry—I know it looks weird, but I drink it all the time,” said Wagner, who attempted to get ahead of any concerns his friend might have about the safety of his drinking water by immediately launching into an impassioned defense of the murky looking glass he had handed him. “Just give it a few seconds to settle and then it will be clear. I don’t know why it does that, but it’s fine. Yeah, it’s just because of the minerals or something. It tastes normal, I promise. It was definitely tested for lead, they have to do that, I think.” At press time, Wagner’s friend had decided he was actually in the mood for a soda.