MADD PSA Clarifies It’s Okay To Drive Drunk If It’ll Be Big Pain To Get Car Tomorrow

IRVING, TX—In the first convenience-oriented change to their fundamental principles since the group’s founding, advocacy nonprofit Mothers Against Drunk Driving released a public service announcement Wednesday clarifying their platform to allow for driving under the influence of alcohol if circumstances would make it a huge hassle to retrieve the vehicle the following morning. “While we remain resolute in our opposition of drunk and drugged driving, we acknowledge that it can be a giant production to set an alarm for 5 a.m. and get a taxi back to the bar the next day,” said MADD national president Colleen Sheehey-Church, cautioning drivers to drink a glass of water and load up on bread before hitting the road while under the influence. “We can’t stress enough how strongly we discourage engaging in this kind of reckless behavior, unless you’d have to wait an hour and a half to take the train back to your friend’s house the next afternoon to pick up your car, all while nursing a hangover. Even in these rare instances, MADD urges you to drive safely by taking surface streets, rolling down your windows, and singing along with the radio or smoking a cigarette to remain alert.” The PSA concluded by calling for designated drivers to “treat yourselves to a well-deserved cold one” if the stress of transporting obstinate, rowdy drunks begins to get to them.