Lunar Olympic Officials Continue Search For Missing Pole Vaulter

HNG KONG LUNA—Hans Snetterling of the Interplanetary Olympic Committee announced Monday that the search for Irish pole vaulter Mei-Ling Kryscynski, last seen clearing the eastern rim of the Tycho Brahe crater at supraorbital velocity, will continue until 90 days have passed. “We regret the lack of foresight that led to this accident, as well as the shot-put and javelin events that led to 12 deaths in Spain.” In response to the Lunar Olympic problems, the IOC is considering a high-gravity site such as Jupiter for the 2060 games, a suggestion that was protested by the judo, gymnastics, and powerlifting delegations.