Local Neurotic To Undergo Invasive 32,000-Hour-Long Therapy Procedure

NEW YORK—Manhattanite Ted Friar, who has been battling chronic neuroses for more than 20 years, elected to undergo a highly invasive 32,000-hour Freudian therapy procedure Tuesday. “I know it’s risky, but I have no other choice,” Friar, 47, said as his team of psychoanalysts prepared for the thrice-weekly, several-decade-long treatment, which offers only a 10 percent chance of recovery. “I just hope they can break through my blocked memories and get rid of any underlying guilt in time.” Friar’s doctor, noted therapist Eli Wasserbaum, added that possible complications of the procedure include erectile dysfunction, liver damage, and bankruptcy.