Local Mom Wants Just One Nice Vacation Photo Where Family Isn’t Running From Gunfire

RIDGELAND, MS—Frustrated by the “weird faces” her children always made whenever they spotted a mass shooter, local mother Jennifer Church told reporters Friday that she wanted just one nice vacation photo where the family was not running from gunfire. “One nice picture with everybody smiling and looking at the camera rather than frantically looking around for a place to hide—is that too much for a mom to ask?” said Church, who shook her head and groaned as she recalled the latest photo the family had posed for in which her youngest daughter’s eyes were closed from searing pain and her oldest son was slumped over clutching his abdomen. “I would just love a nice family portrait where everyone is wearing something nice and there aren’t any visible wounds. We got really close on our California trip last year, but then Danny had to break into a sprint after a man opened fire. Oh great, not again—Mason, stop bleeding!” At press time, Church had reportedly resigned herself to the fact that the family would have to wait until their first international trip.