Life-Raft Companion Looks Just Like Juicy Steak

SOUTH CHINA SEA–In a development with dire implications for shipwreck survivor Warren Munsey, fellow life-raft passenger Cliff Tettleton hallucinated Monday that Munsey was a giant, anthropomorphic sirloin steak. “Wh-wh-what are you looking at me like that for?” Munsey asked the salivating Tettleton, who was busy tying a large napkin around his neck and pulling a knife and fork from his back pocket. “You’re creeping me out.” Munsey then experienced his own counter-hallucination, in which Tettleton turned into a vicious, slavering wolf. Disaster-survival experts warn that the situation could deteriorate if Tettleton hallucinates that the remaining canteen of potable water is a bottle of Acme Worcestershire Sauce.