Late-To-The-Game Tech CEO Has Only Bananas, Toilet Paper, Or Horse Farming Left To Revolutionize

SAN FRANCISCO—Bemoaning his poor timing in entering an oversaturated industry, a late-to-the-game tech CEO complained Wednesday that apart from bananas, toilet paper, and horse farming, there was nothing left for him to revolutionize. “Aw, jeez, I wanted to disrupt something too, but there’s only three things left!” said tech entrepreneur and Johnny-come-lately Howard Perkins, who cited a recent market analysis that confirmed every other sector of the economy had already been transformed by technology firms in such a way as to redirect revenue toward Silicon Valley. “Advertising, retail, entertainment, transportation, lodging—it’s all been done. Except toilet paper, which is boring. And horse farming—I don’t know anything about it, but maybe we could build some kind of online pony-breeding platform? Nah, we’d never be able to make it scalable. Well, I guess I have to start pitching investors on all the interesting things happening in the banana space right now.” At press time, Perkins confirmed a venture capitalist had provided him with $25 million in seed money to develop his idea for a banana-sharing app.