King Charles Fertilizes Clutch Of Royal Eggs

LONDON—Scuttling through passageways deep beneath Buckingham Palace, King Charles III reportedly fertilized a clutch of royal eggs Thursday. According to sources, Charles maneuvered through the damp, dark corridors on all four of his limbs, pausing occasionally to click together his fangs and eventually stopping before the gelatinous clusters of semitranslucent eggs pulsing below the castle. In a ritual that had been performed by his mother and her father before, the head of the Commonwealth was said to have crouched over the royal egg clutch and grasped the mass tightly, ejecting the semen that Camilla Parker Bowles, the queen consort, had deposited into his cloaca just hours before. At press time, palace sources confirmed millions of red-haired, rosacea-inflicted hatchlings were devouring the monarch’s shriveled body.