Kanye West Bursts Into Pepperidge Farm With Pitch For Shoe Cookie

NORWALK, CT—Arriving unannounced with a grand vision for a revolutionary collaboration, the musician and fashion designer Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, burst into Pepperidge Farm corporate offices with a pitch for a new shoe cookie, sources confirmed Thursday. “This next-level combo of fashion and snacks combines two things everyone loves: shoes and cookies,” Ye said as he pushed his way into a routine budget meeting, waving what appeared to be a hasty concept sketch of dough sprinkled with chocolate chips and molded into the shape of a high-top sneaker, a product he told startled employees would come in numerous flavors and cost $900 per pair. “We got shortbread shoes, oatmeal raisin shoes, peanut butter shoes, snickerdoodle. I’m about innovation, and I know Pepperidge Farm isn’t scared to take a bold risk and launch Yeezy Munchers, a delicious footwear brand that people can both wear and eat and that will make us billions of dollars.” At press time, a call to building security had reportedly been canceled after Ye spotted a loaf of Pepperidge Farm Jewish Rye bread and agreed to leave voluntarily.