Kamala Harris Nudges Stack Of Papers Off Desk To Distract Aide Before Twisting Office Clock To 5 P.M.

WASHINGTON—Sighing as she watched the minutes of her afternoon tick by in what reportedly felt like an eternity, Vice President Kamala Harris nudged a stack of papers off a desk Tuesday in order to distract a top aide and change the office clock to read 5 p.m., according to White House sources. “Oh, clumsy me—do you mind getting that? And take your time,” Harris said to her chief of staff, Tina Flournoy, after stretching her arms out in an exaggerated yawn, knocking over a stack of files, and then snatching the clock off the wall so she could move it three and a half hours ahead. “Hey, look at that—quittin’ time already! Time sure does fly when you’re busy doing your constitutional duty. And I sure am busy. Well, see you tomorrow for another exciting day of my vice presidency.” At press time, after Flournoy had pointed to her phone and noted it was only 1:30, Harris reportedly tumbled to the ground and claimed to have sprained a knee, hoping she could at least spend the rest of the day in the White House Medical Unit watching television.