Jewish Neighbors Make Small Talk About Controlling The Weather

PORTLAND, ME—Saying they had been making the mornings a little cooler lately, Jewish neighbors Peter Schwartz and Ben Levy reportedly made strained small talk Thursday morning about controlling the weather. “Boy, we’re really making it feel more and more like winter lately, huh?” Schwartz said upon catching sight of his acquaintance, who suggested that he might turn up the heat on the entire globe to deal with the coming cold spell they had also created. “I think I heard from the cabal that we might even be in for some light flurries this weekend, too. Crazy, huh? What’s really killer is how much inflation has jacked up the cost of altering the world’s weather. Thankfully, we control the economy, too, so I guess we can always tamp down on that. Anyway, have a nice week.” At press time, sources reported that Levy had grown frustrated after spending several days stuck inside because of a rainstorm he created.