Incredible 'Business-Man' Has Salary Of 10 Regular Men

CHICAGO—Sources in the Chicago metropolitan area confirmed Monday the existence of an extraordinary “business-man” imbued with the earning power and fiscal strength of 10 ordinary men. This invincible, superhuman associate is reportedly able to leap from assistant manager to vice president of operations in a single bound, and is believed to have a secret headquarters somewhere deep within the suburbs, where by night he assumes the identity of a mild-mannered family man. Sources claim the man draws his power from a special hand-tailored Italian suit that strikes fear into the hearts of rival equity firms everywhere. The only challenge to the business-man’s dominance is reportedly his arch-nemesis, “the business-woman,” whom he has kept trapped beneath a protective glass ceiling since 1973.