When in doubt, always lie. Here are things you should never say if someone gives you a gift you don’t like.
“I’ll try wrapping it and opening it again.”
It’s going to be the same bad gift even after you open it again.
“What gave you the impression I would like this?”
Whatever the response is will definitely hurt your feelings.
“Last time you got us a gift, a bunch of Greek soldiers jumped out of it.”
You don’t have to bring it behind the city walls this time, but at least say thank you.
“I’m just going to really quickly check Crate & Barrel’s return policy for reasons that have nothing to do with the cake stand you got me.”
This may not come off as subtly as you think.
“This isn’t the organ I needed.”
They’ve already gone through the trouble of having their kidney removed. The least you can do is accept it graciously.
“I will not be buried with this.”
Just lie and say you like it enough to take it with you into the afterlife.
“A board game, huh? That’s cool, I guess.”
It may not have been what you asked for, but many people are uncomfortable purchasing hardcore pornography.
“Thanks so much, but I actually already have one of these.”
It’s more polite to just say “thank you” and return the child later.
“This is clearly a counterfeit Adrien Brody autograph.”
Not everyone can spot the fakes.
“This will feature prominently in my nightmares.”
Don’t make a promise you can’t keep, bud.
“You have much to atone for.”
This feedback is far too vague to properly correct the behavior of a substandard gift-giver.
“I already have 587 of these.”
If you’re going to lie about having one already, pick a more believable number, like nine.
“Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman.”
What are you trying to do, get us all killed?!
“Did you happen to get me a box of matches too?”
Usually, gift-givers don’t enjoy having their gift burned right in front of their face.
“Did you make this yourself?”
Unless they’re the person at Amazon who makes gift cards, you know very well they did not.
“Last time I checked, I already have a bunch of stupid stuff I don’t need or want.”
This might inadvertently let them off the hook.
“I love it!”
Great, now you’re locked in to get really chunky bracelets every year till Grandma dies.
“Thank you.”
If they wanted to be thanked, they would have gotten you a better gift.
