,

ICE Opens New Supermax Detention Center For Most Hardened Toddlers

CORNUDAS, TX—In response to growing issues with its population of juvenile detainees, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency reportedly announced on Tuesday the opening of a new supermax detention center to house its most hardened toddlers. “The Hudspeth County Maximum Correctional Facility is designed to provide secure and controlled incarceration of the most disruptive and difficult young children under ICE custody,” said ICE acting director Ronald Vitiello of the facility, which will hold up to 450 of the system’s most intractable and dangerous toddlers in single-cell solitary confinement for 23 hours per day, with minimal access to staff and other detained children, indefinitely. “These are the real criers and tantrum-throwers. We can’t put our guards at risk every day by allowing these kids who routinely incite mass screaming to remain among the general population. Look, a lot of these toddlers have been locked up for half their lives; they haven’t spent time in the outside world, and they have significant behavioral issues. We need to recognize that some of these truly hardened 12- to 36-month-old migrants are just beyond rehabilitation by our justice system.” Vitiello added that ICE was also hoping to expedite the reunification of parents and children who had been separated by the agency’s detention policies by updating the Leavenworth Detention Center with a family execution chamber.




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper