NEWPORT BEACH, CA—Explaining that the early–21st century Republican is by far the biggest influence on his political beliefs, Brandon Taggart, a man from 25 years in the future and all-around horrifying human being, told reporters Wednesday that he considers himself to be a Trump-era conservative.
“When I think of what it truly means to be a conservative, I immediately think of Donald Trump and the vision he had for this country,” said the deeply frightening individual, adding that the policies and worldview advocated by Trump continue to form the bedrock of his own political convictions more than two decades later. “Nobody since Trump has captured the imagination of an entire generation of voters the way he did back then—not just Republicans, but independents and even a few Democrats, who just got sick of government as usual and wanted America to be strong again.”
“Trump was the leader this nation needed,” added the atrocious man. “We desperately need another one just like him.”
Taggart, the terrifying ignoramus who in the year 2041 will repeatedly lament a GOP that had lost sight of its ideals, went on to say that he regards the era in which Trump was the face of the Republican Party as the pinnacle not only of modern conservatism but also the United States as a whole.
Hailing Trump as an iconic figure of unparalleled wisdom and foresight, the horrendous yet disturbingly principled Taggart added that the upcoming 2044 election desperately needed a true Trump Republican in the field, a leader who would stand up for real Americans and bring back a country they could believe in once again.
“The reason Trump’s message resonated with so many of us is because he gave us something pure, something that could really galvanize conservatives like me,” said Taggart, voicing just one of his many revolting opinions. “He spoke directly to millions of us in the silent majority who felt like we’d been left out in the cold by political correctness. He was gonna get tough against our enemies with no apologies whatsoever.”
Reflecting with unsettling disillusionment on the two-plus decades of politicians since Trump, Taggart—who, sources reiterated, is awful—bemoaned the fact that there no longer existed anyone who showed a true commitment to Trump’s core beliefs.
“You’ll hear politicians paying lip service to Trump nowadays, but most of them don’t have an ounce of the leadership he had,” said Taggart in characteristic appalling fashion. “They want to pick and choose which of Trump’s policies they support, but it doesn’t work like that. A lot of people want to wear the Trump mantle, but nobody has even come close to being the full package of strength, determination, and conservative values. This nation squandered his legacy, but some of us still believe.”
Added Taggart, “A lot of us, actually.”
