As the government shutdown nears a full week, neither house of Congress appears ready to budge. Here are some ways the standoff could be resolved:
American public takes to streets and overthrows existing government following two unbearable weeks without access to the National Gallery of Art
Depending on the kind of person you are, with a whole bunch of poor people either getting exactly what they deserve or becoming victims of a cold and heartless system
With simple vote, whenever lobbyists give go-ahead to do so
It’s conceivable that the Capitol building could collapse and kill everyone inside if high-powered explosives were to be planted at key structural weaknesses throughout the rotunda
Boehner’s doe-eyed niece plaintively asks why she can’t go to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and see the bears
Maybe a press release
When we realize we had the power to end it all along, but we had to learn to believe in ourselves
Asteroid 658 Eugenia
Boehner and Obama lock eyes, kiss passionately, and realize their love is bigger than any problems between them
Almost certainly with Ted Cruz proclaiming victory
