Hostages Freed After Tense 7-Minute Standup Set

RICHMOND, VA—A group of 35 hostages at Laugh-Up Lounge on West Broad Street were set free Wednesday night following a tense, often excruciating seven-minute standup comedy performance. “Please, somebody help us,” texted one of the victims, who later confirmed that comic Marty “The Party” Woodruff had subjected his captive audience to multiple tortuous and painful jokes, at one point even pulling a hostage up on stage and forcing her to participate in the act. “Just get us out of here! I have a feeling this is going to end very, very badly.” Several freed hostages told reporters they had in fact enjoyed the performance, though psychological experts confirmed these reactions were likely cases of Stockholm syndrome.