You will have a strong impulse to strike at the very foundations of society this week. Refuse to take proper care of your lawn no matter what anyone says.
Your life this week will be characterized by the same quiet dignity that Ruth Buzzi brought to
You will lose all of your fingers in a folk-music accident when you discover that ìsinging sawsî are not generally of the industrial 240-volt variety.
It is significant that Mars is in your sign this week. This means that it must be mid-September 1998.
The stars greatly admire your desire to work with children, but warn that driving a busload of orphans is probably asking for trouble.
Falling from a six-story building into a vat of burning lard will soon be known as ìpulling a Leoî in your honor.
You will finally achieve lasting peace of mind this week, shortly after a wayward icepick removes your frontal lobes.
Any hope youíve had of becoming a competent computer programmer will disappear forever, leaving you strangely relieved.
You will come across a sign that reads, ìYOU ARE HERE.î Only you can truly say what, if any, spiritual significance this vision holds.
The celestial portents indicate that you will soon achieve lasting happiness and a deep sense of well-being. Remember, though, that Capricorn has been hitting the bottle pretty hard lately.
Family expenses threaten to bankrupt you next week, until you find an undertaker who offers a special ìfive for the price of oneî Aquarius discount.
The approaching equinox means only one thing for Pisces: Itís time to get that dumbass Rick another birthday card.
