The only thing that keeps you from realizing your potential is the depressing awareness that it probably wouldn’t take much time or effort.
Thursday will usher in a new era of love and prosperity for Aries, which is only fair considering what happens Friday.
You will seek the ancient wisdom of a witch doctor, but you’ll have no idea what he means by “Ooh Eee Ooh Ah-Ah Ting-Tang Walla-Walla Bing-Bang.”
Society at large will expect you to donate to the Professional Wrestlers’ Widows & Orphans Fund due to the unspoken code of
You will belatedly realize you’ve become part of the problem when you board a train that leaves Philadelphia at noon traveling 45 miles an hour.
After all is said and done, no one will have said or done anything involving you in any way.
The streets will soon run red with blood and echo with the tortured cries of the unforgiven, but you’ll be amazed how quickly you get used to it.
Studies show that Colombia has the highest murder rate of any place in the Americas, except the place where you’ll be standing at noon tomorrow.
You should start studying physical and geometric optics now, so you’ll have a better understanding of what’s happening when you’re suddenly converted to photons.
The stars advise you to reconsider your plans for the future, as they’re not going to happen in Capricorn’s back yard.
Though you’re so fat, you should have your own zip code, you continue to use that of Fatsoville, your city of residence.
You will soon be unwillingly forced into a flurry of activity when you are chosen to host the 2014 Winter Olympiad.
