You will descend into the bowels of the earth to battle the roaring monsters that inhabit its mysterious tunnels, and you will be slain by one 16 cars long.
You’ll use your love of business books and your knowledge of science to write
You’ll show that you are capable of amazing acts of self-sacrifice in order to win the favor of the dread demon-beast Ktzaal.
There’s no closer bond than that of a man and his dog, especially if their mutual freedom means protecting each other during the D.A.’s cross-examination.
Stealing the opposing team’s mascot is a time-honored tradition, but it turns out the Muslims think of that big black rock as more than just a mascot.
You’ll be integral to a process that will win your funeral director an award for unique approaches to challenging problems.
Most supercolliders are used to study subatomic particles, but the one at the University of Texas has you and a folding chair in mind.
The other librarians will alternately praise your audacity and criticize your recklessness after you redesign the Dewey Decimal System on a drunken dare.
Satellite photos will reveal that the so-called “inland tidal wave” was caused by your fat ass cannonballing into Lake Mead.
You’ll be both deeply hurt and substantially enriched when you receive the MacArthur Foundation’s first-ever $50,000 Dipshit Grant.
It looked for a second like the amorous gorilla was going to have sex with you, but apparently, gorilla suits don’t work that way.
It turns out that train robbery, although exciting and challenging, just gets you a bunch of cows these days.
