This week is a good time to consider the bigger picture. Except Sunday, when Bob and Bev are having that cookout.
Tragedy strikes you yet again this week when you have the nerve to tell him you prefer his brother, Comedy.
No one will be able to describe your improbable death without using a lot of violent hand gestures, making whooping sounds, and generally doing his or her best “angry chimp” imitation.
You will have difficulties coping with your co-workers. Try using a coping saw.
Your current state of bliss will last until next Wednesday. If you are not currently in a blissful state, ignore this horoscope.
Virgo would like to point out that the chair you’re sitting on exerts a greater influence over you than any distant constellation. That said, enjoy your forthcoming romantic midnight sea-journey.
This is a watershed week for Libra, as you are finally able to break your lifelong addiction to food and water.
Your welfare will be continually overlooked in favor of much more important matters. Now, back to
The stars say you are ugly and stupid, but your mother says to ignore them, as they’re just jealous.
G. Gordon Liddy sees no reason to apologize for, let alone explain, his setting fire to you last week.
No offense, but when Aquarius got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what he had in mind.
You are spoiled, abrasive and willfully ignorant. However, life will be easy for you, thanks to your magnificent rack.
