Historical Evidence Suggests Boston Strangler Too Chickenshit To Strangle In A Real City Like New York

NEW YORK—Shedding new light on the notorious killer’s life, researchers at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice announced Tuesday they had uncovered evidence that the late Albert DeSalvo, better known as the Boston Strangler, was too chickenshit to strangle in a real city like New York. “We have authenticated several diary entries that indicate DeSalvo simply did not have the balls to pack his bags, move to New York, and begin strangling in the city that never sleeps,” said City University of New York historian David Plemmons, who told reporters a lightweight like DeSalvo wouldn’t have lasted more than a few weeks if he had tried to choke the life out of innocent people in the competitive, high-pressure environment of Manhattan—and he knew it. “He seemed to understand that New York would chew him up and spit him out, so he settled with strangling in Boston, where he could at least be a big fish in a small pond. DeSalvo didn’t have the moxie to kill people right there on the streets of the big city, the way David Berkowitz did with the Son of Sam murders. And he was way too much of a pussy to dismember his victims and hide their remains all over the tri-state area, the way Joel Rifkin did.” According to the researchers, it made sense that Boston would have its own, less accomplished serial killers who never made it as big as the ones they had in New York.