High Schoolers Given Detention For Cutting Class During Active Shooting

LUBBOCK, TX—Saying the teenagers had flagrantly violated attendance policies, local high school administrators confirmed Tuesday that several students were given detention for cutting class during an active shooting. “We’ve repeatedly stressed to these students that if they wish to leave class, they need a signed permission slip from their parent or legal guardian, so it’s highly inappropriate for them to get up and leave school simply because of an unhinged gunman chasing them down with an assault rifle,” said Principal Lester Russell, noting that none of the pupils even requested a hall pass before they tried to desperately escape the shooter’s rampage. “If there was in fact an emergency in which these kids needed medical attention for bullet wounds, they should have talked to the school nurse. And no, it’s not an excuse that the nurse was bleeding out in her office. It’s especially insulting that these students texted and called their families to say they loved them, despite rules specifically forbidding phone use in classrooms.” At press time, Principal Russell explained that the terrified students had earned themselves an additional detention for sprinting in the halls to avoid gunfire.