High School Football Coach Unsure How To Tap Into Aggression Of Hormonal Adolescent Teenagers

FAIRFIELD, NJ—Saying he has been racking his brain all season to no avail, West Essex High School football coach Charles Seipp, 39, admitted to reporters Wednesday that he is struggling to find a way to tap into the aggression of his hormonally charged adolescent players. “I just wish I could somehow harness all the pent-up angst and hostility of these 14- to 18-year-old high school boys and then apply it to the sport of football,” said Seipp, lamenting that his team’s roster is almost entirely limited to large, physically fit young men full of frustration and anger they cannot control or even understand. “Honestly, I’m beginning to question if it’s even possible to channel their barely suppressible rage, self-doubt, and belligerence into hitting another player on the field as hard as they possibly can. I suppose it’s just one of the challenges of coaching at this level.” Seipp went on to say, however, that he has at least figured out a way to incorporate his own quick temper, penchant for yelling, and win-at-all-costs mentality into his job as a high school football coach.