Herschel Walker Claims He’s Honorary Confederate Soldier

WRIGHTSVILLE, GA—Pulling a kepi out from his jacket and flashing the cap for all to see as evidence of rank within the army, Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed Thursday that he was an honorary Confederate soldier. “Although I may not have fought directly in Gettysburg or Antietam, I am a 100% real officer in the Confederate States of America,” said Walker, who drew criticism for stating he was “suited up in my grays and ready to go to battle, sir” in response to a reporter who asked whether or not he would vote to raise the debt ceiling. “I spoke with Robert E. Lee personally, and he made me a first lieutenant in the 63rd infantry. My opponent wants to defund the Confederate army. Well, he’ll have to get through my regiment first. I have a sword, too.” At press time, Walker added states’ rights were the most important issue to him.