Groom Getting Cold Feet About Bachelor Party

WESTPORT, MA—Husband-to-be Matthew Reese experienced “second thoughts” Friday, just moments before attending the bachelor party his friends had been planning for months was set to begin. “How do I know I’ve picked the right stripper?” said Reese, as he mentally prepared himself to take long walk down the aisle of tables in the Scores VIP lounge. “I’ve been imagining this moment since I was 12, but now I’m worried the lap dances won’t live up to my expectations. What if I’m just not ready for this level of irresponsibility?” Reese went on to say he regretted committing to a single topless bar for the rest of his night, but felt that it was too late to change his mind.