Gravedigger Quietly Hangs Out On Periphery Of Funeral To See If Anybody Compliments The Hole

CENTERVILLE, OH—Hoping to overhear a kind word from the assembled mourners, local gravedigger Derek Finnegan was reportedly hanging out on the periphery of a funeral Friday to see if anybody complimented his hole. “I’ll just linger a little longer behind this tree to see if someone mentions the flawless right angles on the corners or the excellent depth,” said Finnegan, confirming that while he knew those gathered had other more important things on their minds, he still thought it was possible that someone might comment on the obvious craft and care that he had put into the grave site. “The dirt is just so smooth, there’s no unsightly clumps. Is that person tearing up because the hole is so beautiful? I’m obviously not trying to steal focus, but I might just try to make eye contact with the widow or one of the kids and nod towards the hole with a knowing look to see if I can get a thumbs up.” At press time, Finnegan was reportedly outraged after hearing one of the mourners declare they’d seen dead dogs buried in better holes.