HEAVEN—Saying He guessed His love language was just acts of service, the Lord God, He Who Commanded Light To Shine From The Darkness, admitted Tuesday that He is still a little flattered when someone kills in His name. “Yeah, I know, I know—people shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help but feel a bit touched when someone blows up a couple dozen people in a crowded marketplace just for little old Me,” said the Divine Creator, adding that when He got down in the dumps, it was a real pick-me-up to be reminded that He was worth beheading, slaughtering, or gunning down tens of thousand of innocents over. “I know it’s bad. People really shouldn’t kill. But what can I say? I appreciate the attention. Especially genocides. I mean, it’s hard not to blush when someone is killed on an altar for you.” God added, however, that nothing would ever beat the confidence boost he received several millennia ago when one of His followers tried to sacrifice a son for Him.
God Admits He’s A Little Flattered When Someone Kills In His Name
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