Get To Know The OSN Girlfriend Analysts

Brenda KenyonBoyfriend: Dominick Mirk –Length of Relationship: 1 year, 10 months –How Do You Feel About Sports: “They really are tremendous athletes, and I love how they play hard. I LOVE going to a game, drinking a beer and eating some nachos and being all sportsy! They’re paid way too much but no more than movie stars or magicians. I don’t really like baseball, it’s way too slow and boring.”

Lisa CantrellBoyfriend: Evan Jackson –Length of Relationship: 4 months –How Do You Feel About Sports: “Honestly, I don’t have much time for sports, though I do pay attention to all the lockout news, since I’m specializing in labor law and stuff. I think they hit each other TOO HARD and they should take it easy out there. I once told Evan that they should just build robots to play football and hit each other, but he said that was silly and no one would want to watch it. But I would watch it.”

Vicky HouleBoyfriend: Edgar Weaver –Length of Relationship: 3 years, 8 months –How Do You Feel About Sports: “I don’t think they’re a total waste of time or anything, but I can think of about a million things I’d rather do. Taking a walk, traveling. I like watching track though, there’s something very pure about just watching men and women run as fast as they can with no arbitrary rules about bouncing a ball or ’offsides’. I do prefer reading though and everyone should make time to read a book, especially Edgar.”




Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper