Frank Thomas Credits Recent Power Surge To Steroids

OAKLAND, CA—After two seasons marked by nagging injuries and sub-par home-run totals, Frank Thomas credited his career rejuvenation and rediscovered power stroke “strictly to my weekly cycle of injecting myself with anabolic steroids.” “People ask me all the time what’s my secret, how have I stayed in such good shape and been so consistent this season, and I tell them the same thing every time: It’s the steroids,” said Thomas, who has 19 homers and a league-high 62 RBI since the All-Star break. “I give the steroids all the credit. It’s not even just the muscle and the power, but the confidence I have when I step up to the plate knowing I have a total competitive advantage. I just wish I knew about this miracle drug earlier in my career.” MLB officials later announced that, should Thomas test positive for steroid use in a random drug test before season’s end, his punishment would be significantly reduced for being open and honest about it beforehand.