A record-setting crowd attended the inaugural home opener of the $1.2 billion Cowboys Stadium Sunday night. Onion Sports examines some of the sports arena’s features.
A 100-yard football field, perfect for professional football
Special suite where Tony Dorsett, Emmitt Smith, and all the Cowboy greats can go fuck themselves
Display case containing the Cowboys Starter jacket that turned the team’s fortunes around in 1992
Most obnoxious 30-yard line in the league
No Troy Aikman
Cowboys logos appear on things that wouldn’t otherwise have Cowboys logos on them
The Emmitt Smith Simulator, which lets fans feel what it’s like to be a normal person running behind five 300-pound men
Not one, but 45 megachurches
The Cowboys Ring of Criminal Arrests
A parking lot so expansive it could hold almost two parking lots inside it
