The nation’s 14,000 McDonald’s locations began displaying calorie counts next to menu items Monday, with the company confirming it may soon add healthier options such as egg-white McMuffins and seasonal produce. Here’s how other fast food chains are trying to be more health-conscious:
Subway: Jared spokesperson recast as hyper-self-conscious bulimic
Wendy’s: Customers must finish each individual fry before requesting additional one from counter
Domino’s: Will not deliver to anyone who gasps for breath more than three times while placing an order
Burger King: Patrons required to wear cardboard crown reading “King of the Fatties”
Jack in the Box: Jog-thru lane
Quiznos: Vegetable toppings no longer made from colored chocolate
Hardee’s: Ketchup dispenser requires customers to turn heavy crank for two minutes
KFC: Employees to cram fistfuls of vegetables into customers’ fat fucking mouths when they aren’t paying attention
