Family Fights Scheduled Into Vacation Itinerary

TAMPA, FL—In an effort to squeeze in all their usual activities during their annual visit to Tampa Bay, 43-year-old Ron Ortega told reporters Tuesday he had scheduled family fights into this year’s vacation itinerary. “We’re going to be pretty tired after going to the beach in the mornings, so setting aside a few blocks of time for blowout arguments in the afternoons will take the stress out of figuring out when to fight next,” said Ortega, adding that he had left some space after their museum visits for his family to squabble about where they were going to eat, and had budgeted a few hours halfway through the week for everyone to yell at everyone else about how they never get to do the thing they want to do on this trip. “Of course, these fights are all completely optional, so if my wife and son want to have a screaming match about buying souvenirs at the Busch Gardens gift shop, my daughter and I can either join them or head to the nearby Florida Aquarium. While we’d like to pack in as much as we can in Tampa Bay, we also need to be realistic and recognize that we may have to reschedule some of our bickering for the flight home.” At press time, the Ortegas had reportedly just arrived at their hotel and decided to multitask by yelling at each other about three different issues at once.