Family Convinces Itself Grandmother Wanted Her Ashes Scattered Over Funeral Home Parking Lot

CHICAGO—Insisting that large expanses of asphalt were where Nana felt most at home, members of late Camila García’s family convinced themselves Thursday that their grandmother would have wanted her ashes scattered over the funeral home parking lot. “She loved this area and always went to the Burger King nearby, so spreading her ashes across the parking area of this funeral home seems like a fitting tribute,” said Sofia Moreno, daughter of the deceased, claiming the location was more appropriate than the Mexican village of her mother’s childhood, given that the beloved matriarch likely spent more time in and around parking lots like the one at the funeral home. “She was in a wheelchair, the ashes fell on a handicapped parking space. It just makes sense. There’s actually something touching about the fact that her ashes will rest for all eternity next to an empty can of her favorite beer, Modelo.” At press time, the family said it was a sign from God that a car drove over their grandmother’s ashes, considering she died after getting hit by one.