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Failing Phys Ed Programs

With obesity among children rising steadily, health experts say our school’s physical education programs are woefully inadequate. What do you think?

Eli McLemore • Medical Secretary

“Well, what do people expect? How are today’s gym teachers supposed to motivate kids, now that homophobia, verbal harassment, and physical abuse are off limits?”

Eli McLemore • Medical Secretary

Russell Sager • Laser Technician

“The dubious benefits of a mandatory exercise program weighed against the undeniable fattening of America’s kids? Sounds like it’s time for an in-depth shirts vs. skins debate.”

Russell Sager • Laser Technician

Monty Wendt • Systems Analyst

“There are many reasons that a school should have an extensive Phys Ed program. For one thing, it’s the best way to increase kids’ interest in reading and math.”

Monty Wendt • Systems Analyst

Freida Stallworth • Metallurgist

“Oh good. It’s our nation’s schools that are to blame for my 200-pound son. Phew!”

Freida Stallworth • Metallurgist

Damien Shear • Wellness Coordinator

“I don’t want my kids missing out on all that gym class offers. That’s why I give them cruel nicknames, make them shower together, and snap them with wet towels.”

Damien Shear • Wellness Coordinator

Pamela Gant • Convention Planner

“You know, sex burns a lot of calories. Teens love sex. I can’t see why no one has thought of this before.”

Pamela Gant • Convention Planner