Exhausted Rockefeller Center Staff Decide To Take It Easy And Go With 3-Foot Artificial LED Christmas Tree This Year

NEW YORK—Saying it had been a stressful year and they just wanted to keep their decorations low-key, burnt-out Rockefeller Center employees confirmed Wednesday they would take it easy this Christmas and opt for a 3-foot-tall artificial tree with pre-lit LEDs. “While going out and cutting down your own 70- or 80-foot Norway spruce is a fun tradition, it’s also a lot of work, so this holiday season we decided to give ourselves a little break,” said Rockefeller Center head gardener Erik Pauzé, who reportedly supervised the selection of the tree from a Home Depot on West 23rd Street, choosing a small plastic model that was affordable and looked easy to set up. “It’s basically already decorated, so that should be a huge time-saver. And with all these pre-programmed LED light shows, it ought to provide visitors with plenty of the spectacle they’ve grown accustomed to over the years. Not to mention it’s a one-time cost, so over time it will pretty much pay for itself.” At press time, sources confirmed that faulty wiring had caused the 3-foot tree to go up in flames, resulting in a round of applause from passing groups of impressed tourists.